To Feign Death
by PlasticPencils
Summary: Usagi has finally had enough of everyone's harshness toward her. She decides to stage a suicide...but just because she's faking her death doesn't necessarily mean she's avoiding it.
1. Chapter 1

~Chapter 1~

Usagi sat in the Crown Arcade booth. This place was her place of memories. At one point, it was her solace. It all changed when Mamoru showed up, suddenly popping into her life one day. She was so tired of all the insults, and she was tired of sitting in a rusty metal chair just to prove to herself that she didn't weigh too much, like he said she did. She was tired of wondering about whether her hair looked better to the majority of people up in buns or down straight. And most of all, she was tired of doubting every aspect of herself.

It got so bad that there were numerous times Usagi had thought about just giving it all up, just letting her problems go with wherever the wind took them. She'd thought too many times about committing suicide. Her fear of death was the only real thing holding her back, otherwise she would already be in a cemetery somewhere, under the ground, laying cold and pale in a casket with a tombstone marking her name and shameful death.

"Ah, Odango!" Mamoru greeted her. He paused when she didn't answer or respond in any way. She didn't so much as twitch. The only thing signaling that she was even _alive_ was her chest moving up and down with each breath. "What's got _you_ so down?"

Usagi's eyes flickered to him, revealed a hostile glint, and returned with a blink to their positions prior to Mamoru's arrival. Funny that he would ask what's got her so down. You'd think any human that knew the two would know immediately what was wrong. But of course, Mamoru could hardly be called human. Humans didn't treat other humans this way! Not unless they were evil, which the girl was starting to think he might be. Couldn't really blame her, she'd been tortured by him for _how_ long now? It was sensible to hate him.

"Oh, I get it. You got another red mark, didn't you?" The question was more like a statement than anything else. He smiled, and it was unclear whether he was being playful or just plain mean. Although to be fair...and honest...she _had_ gotten another red mark on a very important test today. Her mother's wrath was going to be rough; she'd come here to get a milkshake first, that way if she got grounded for life she would've at least had a tasty beverage as a reward for even enduring such a punishment. And probably along with that punishment would be a verbal smack-down.

She hated it when he was right and he didn't even know it. He'd just assumed that she'd done bad in school, and it sucked that he had to be right. But it wasn't entirely her fault. Amy was a prodigy, she excelled even when she didn't study. Rei was a very spiritual girl, which in Usagi's eyes let her have clearer focus. Lita had her own little place to study in, with no real distractions such as siblings running around, or a mom yelling to see if she was done with her work yet, or a father who always wanted to know where her phone was and if the computer was off and wanted to make sure that anything that allowed communication with what could potentially be a boy was either turned off or confiscated. And then Minako...well...Minako was just as academically challenged as Usagi.

But the difference was that none of them had Mamoru to deal with, or her parents, or her younger brother Shingo, or all of those _combined_ with protecting the planet.

Mamoru leaned closer, looking nosily over her shoulder to see her test score. Unfortunately she still had it in her hand and didn't have time to hide it before he saw. His jaw dropped and he snorted, trying his level best to hold back a laugh.

"Go away!" she shouted angrily. "My grades aren't any of your business!"

He shook his head and clicked his tongue. "Odango, that's by far the worst score I've ever seen in my life. And here I didn't even think it was possible to get 2%."

Usagi abruptly stood up as she slid out of the booth, pushing his head off her shoulder. "It could've been worse!"

He stifled another laugh and replied, "I'm sorry, but I don't think it's possible even for you!"

The girl growled in frustration and pushed him aside, moving fluidly past other customers to reach the exit.

At the rate she was moving, it didn't take too long to get back home. Her mother wasn't back from the store yet. She could lie and say that the test had been cancelled. But then Ikuko would want to know the circumstances under which the test had been cancelled.

She went upstairs, threw her belongings down beside her door, and flopped wearily onto her bed. A solid black cat with a crescent moon marking on its forehead jumped up beside her and stretched.

Usagi buried her face in the covers. "Hi, Luna."

Luna sat down and examined her companion and owner. "Was it him again?"

Usagi nodded.

"Was it a fight again?"

Usagi nodded.

"Did you run away again?"

Usagi nodded. "I need a way to get rid of him, Luna. He's distracting me from my schoolwork, he's pressuring me about my grades, and I wager that all the stress he causes isn't good for my health!"

The cat rolled her eyes even though part of her agreed with the blonde. Ever since her first fight with Mamoru, Usagi's grades had been steadily dropping. Now they were even worse than usual, worse than ever actually. And the stress she'd been enduring had recently become evident in her duties as a Senshi. Plus, Usagi had been complaining about not being able to study enough with all the youma roaming about. Well, sarcasm often cheered Usagi up...but what to say? There wasn't much _to_ be said...

"Luna, what would you do if you wanted Artemis long gone?" she asked her cat.

The feline's red eyes looked thoughtful as she hoisted them skyward. "I'm not sure. I don't think I have an enemy quite like yours."

The blonde sighed. That was no help whatsoever... It was her turn to look all thoughtful and deep. Screaming at Mamoru would only make him angry. Ignoring him was impossible _and_ there was still the chance that it might not work. She couldn't give up the arcade just for him; there were too many good games there. Okay, so far she couldn't scream, ignore, or avoid him... What else was left? She couldn't manipulate people's emotions like he could, so there would be no point in trying to embarrass him or make him pity her. Another thing that had to be marked off the list. And wouldn't you like to know, now there wasn't a list! Ugh...Mamoru was one tough opponent. But, no, she couldn't give up until she was sure he wouldn't bug her anymore. Or at least not as much.

A new, brilliant idea formed and grew inside her mind. She'd already been thinking about suicide. She'd wondered time and time again what kind of impact it would have on everyone's lives. What if she committed suicide, but lived? If she could pull it off and plan out just the right timing, it might be enough to remind Mamoru how hurtful his words could be. And another upside would be the girls. Because she had been getting worse at being a Sailor Senshi, they'd all been on her case about negligence, even though she was trying to hard to study and make good grades and fulfill her duties and deal with Mamoru's crap as well as their criticism all at the same time. She deserved a little appreciation every now and then, you would think, but nobody really gave her credit for anything no matter how hard life got for her. And it was getting to a breaking point, slowly but surely. Time to do something about it.

"Luna, I'm going to commit suicide," she said softly, as if the words were a newfound wonder to her.

Thinking she was just being sarcastic in order to emphasize the misery Mamoru was granting her, the black cat chuckled.

Usagi snapped her head toward her cat and scowled. "I wasn't kidding! I've had enough of this!"

"Oh, you can't possibly be serious. You? Suicide? It just doesn't compute," she stated matter-of-factly.

"Fine, keep telling yourself that when I'm dead," the blonde retorted.

She smirked as the feline began to grow nervous about the health of her friend. It was working, her test was working! If the others reacted the same way, highly doubtful at first and unwilling to believe what they considered the unthinkable, then once her "death" came...! Well...she really hadn't gotten that far yet. But she would see soon enough.

She hopped off her bed and walked over to her vanity. For a moment she stood, looking into the mirror and examining her reflection. It reminded her of how trapped she felt, like there was just no hope of escape from all the chaos she had to go through every day. Destruction of the soul and the city...it was routine for her, but she hated feeling like it was something that she should expect. Nothing bad ever came unexpectedly anymore because she always had to keep up a constant guard and a watchful eye, as well as one heck of a long attention span. It wasn't right for an Usagi to have any attention span, let alone a long one. Or at least that's how she saw it.

She opened up the drawer and dug around in it, eventually fishing out what appeared to be a prescription bottle with probably twenty to thirty forest-green gel pills. A long time ago, Luna had given this bottle to her. The pills were no illusion, in a certain sense they really did kill anyone who took them. In case it was ever necessary, these little pills would put a person into a temporary state of suspended animation, which was like being dead but able to revive yourself. Luna had also warned her, however, that there was a thirty percent chance that something could go wrong and the temporary state of suspended animation could turn into a permanent state of real death. It was, scientifically speaking, a huge risk. But it was a risk worth taking.

"Usagi, please don't..." Luna whispered. "You won't even have time to regret what you've done..."

"And that, Luna, is the beauty of it," she replied. "Tomorrow, about half an hour before I go to the arcade, I'm going to take one of these pills. After it takes effect, everyone will think I've committed suicide. Mamoru-baka won't harass me anymore, the girls won't complain about me anymore, and I'll finally get to see what happens once I come back to life. It's the perfect plan!"

The cat jumped down from the bed and leapt effortlessly onto the vanity, intentionally standing in front of her owner. "The only thing you'll accomplish by taking those is scaring everyone half to death! And there's too much of a chance that something will go wrong! And _furthermore_- Wait...what did you mean by 'finally'?"

The blonde looked over the bottle of pills once more before concealing them in her school uniform. Inside her skirt was a pocket she'd sewn on, a little something to hide her communicator. It was a perfect fit for the bottle.

"Well, I've thought about a _real_ suicide lots of times, but I was always too scared to go through with it. But now it doesn't matter, because these little guys will solve it for me," she explained.


	2. Chapter 2

~Chapter 2~

Today was it, today would be the day Usagi died. She had planned this well, acknowledging that the timing had to be as accurate as possible. She wanted everyone to be there when she passed away. She wanted everyone to snap out of wherever they were and realize what they were doing to her. She'd roped Luna into it, and with her cat's help, hopefully everything would go smoothly. And of course, even though she was scared, Usagi wanted to be brave for once. Should something go wrong with the pills, she would die for real. But again, she'd already been thinking about suicide. Now it was time. It was exactly half an hour before she was to meet up with her friends...and Mamoru, unfortunately...at Crown Arcade. Even Andrew would be there. And it couldn't be more perfect that Amy was exceedingly intelligent in the medical field. Usagi knew that the bluenette would first check to see if she was breathing once she died, and then feel for her pulse. But she would feel no pulse, because those nifty little pills would stop every muscle, every organ, every _cell_ in her body from showing any such signs of life. And that was why the pills, which Luna had told her was called "Meliphine", could destroy her. It was basically a super advanced version of cryogenics. Except in cryo, someone had to wake you up, whereas with the Meliphine pill, you had to wait for the effects to wear off before you woke up.

Usagi breathed slowly and deeply several times, much like she was practicing a breathing exercise, before trusting her body enough to talk to Luna.

"Okay," the blonde said, "just make sure they don't bury me. And remember...no telling anyone until I wake up."

Tears formed at the edges of the black feline's eyes. "But what if you don't...?"

Knowing that she couldn't answer the question, Usagi wordlessly pulled out the bottle from the inside of her blue skirt and popped off the cap. Now only the only obstacle was the seal.

"It'll only be goodbye for little awhile, Luna. I promise," the girl whispered with as much assurance as she could muster.

The cat could only nod her head and watch as her owner used her fingernails to peel the seal off the bottle. It came clean off, and Usagi hesitantly shook a few out. She set the bottle down on the arcade's bathroom counter and used her free hand to gently pick one up, funneling the rest back into the bottle. Before taking the Meliphine pill, she looked at Luna for what could possibly be the last time.

She held the pill for what seemed like the longest of times. She wanted so badly to back out right now, right here. But she refused to. She was too tired of thinking about all the possible ways she could kill herself, and she was too tired of putting up with all the crap life threw at her.

With the resolution of a better future in mind, she summoned every ounce of courage and while that short burst of courage still lasted, she took the pill, put it in her mouth, and swallowed it. Now there was no backing out. The Meliphine would take effect all too soon, probably within just an hour or two. In that time she wouldn't be alive, as far everyone else would know, and therefore she wouldn't be able to see any of her friends or family. And thankfully she wouldn't have to see Mamoru either.

And now that she'd taken the pill, her time was ticking. She ripped the label off the bottle, leaving traces of white paper that she couldn't get off. The rest of the pills had to be flushed down the toilet because if Amy found them, she would probably analyze them and find out the truth. It needed to be believable for the plan to work. She put the empty bottle back into her pocket, so that when Luna "found" it, everyone would know it had been a suicide.

She walked out of the bathroom, followed by Luna, and quietly reminded her furry friend to act surprised when she died. Usagi knew the cat would probably be surprised despite all the planning they'd done, but just in case, she was reminded.

"Hello, Motoki. Can I get a large chocolate milkshake please?" she asked as she approached the all-too-familiar counter.

Behind that same counter, Motoki smiled and prepared her drink. "Sure. Bet you're glad Mamoru isn't here, huh?"

Usagi smiled back, as sweetly as she could, and silently waited for her drink, which she sipped on while she waited for everyone to arrive. It was going to be a long yet short time. Her last day among the living. Or to be precise, the properly functioning.

It was about twenty minutes later that the pack of girls appeared, all chatting happily amongst themselves. Probably stuff about boys and the latest fashions and maybe something new here and there. Perhaps something like a new shop having just opened, or...well, something of that nature. The blonde felt the sentiment of it all swirling around her in a vortex of emotions. This would be the last time for a while that she would be able to hang out with them and talk to them. And again, there was no backing out of this now that the Meliphine was being digested. Soon it would break down and intoxicate the cells in her body, paralyzing them for as long as the pill was effective. She found herself already missing them even though they were right there in front of her.

They stopped when they saw Usagi and Luna standing side by side. Luna tried to mask every ounce of worry and concern to play it out like the blonde had planned.

A white tom with a crescent moon marking his forehead strode inside. He didn't know about the plan. He thought it was going to be yet another day, another ordinary, normal, non-exciting day. The last thing he would suspect was that today would be the day the leader of the Senshi committed suicide. And why would he? He had never lived with Usagi before, and therefore had no idea what went on behind the doors of her home...or her heart. He didn't know how badly Mamoru had hurt her, he didn't know how painful the girls' words were to her, and he most certainly didn't know just how often she'd thought about causing her own demise.

This was where everything was going to get hard. Not just for Usagi, but for everybody.

The girls sat down at the table not too long before Mamoru walked through the door. And he couldn't have timed his arrival any better. Now he would have as many chances as he wanted to tease her and insult her and make her feel horrible about herself. It would be just what he wanted, right? Well that would all change once he saw her fall over dead.

Each girl ordered their drink, with Usagi ordering another milkshake. For awhile they talked about trivial matters, Amy starting up a conversation about the next study meeting, and Makoto easing from that topic to what snacks should be served at the meeting. Although the idea was to act just like she normally would around her friends and Mamoru, Usagi couldn't help but stay strangely quiet and listen with unusual interest to the rest of her little group. Thankfully the subject wasn't brought up.

It was only when Mamoru himself came along to start something with her that she cast a heated glare. Her friends grew silent, awaiting in dread the moment that the two would burst out in an argument that would undoubtedly result in Usagi's immature actions of running from the arcade. But little did they know that today was going to be much different from any other.

"So, Odango-"

She interrupted him. "I have a name, you know."

He smirked and changed the attitude of the greeting. "So what are you talking about?"

"It wouldn't interest you," she answered impolitely. But hey, this was Mamoru. No rule declared that she had to show any respect toward him.

He leaned on the table. Something about her was a little off... "Ah-ha! You failed another test!"

She turned her head away and looked elsewhere. There wasn't a rule that declared that she had to answer that question. But the truth was that there was supposed to be a test in two short days, and she hadn't studied very much. So yeah, she might as well have already failed. A dying shame she would be absent from class on the day of that dreadful test. Heh heh...another upside to that wonderful little pill she'd taken.

She felt her fingers start to shake a tiny bit. Little, quick and frequent twitches came and went. It felt weird. She assumed it was merely a side effect. Nobody else seemed to have noticed. She was safe for now.

For the next half hour, Usagi and Mamoru vigorously went back and forth. It brought up confusion among the girls as to why she hadn't run off yet. But it was Mamoru, shockingly enough, who stopped mid-sentence to look at the blonde's hands. They had gone from slightly shaking to trembling uncontrollably. and she didn't seem to take note of it. He was no expert, but he doubted this was normal.

He pointed to her hands. The quakes were spreading to her arms, and he noticed that even her legs were twitching and restless. "Uh, Odango..."

She furrowed her eyebrows in absolute disgust that he continued to call her that horrible name. "It's Usagi. _Usagi_."

Mamoru brushed the comment off, beginning to worry about the way her body was acting. It was like she was...something. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but this was in no way normal. No one would tremble like she was unless something was wrong.

"Your hands, Usagi..." he breathed.

She looked down, knowing it was most likely the Meliphine taking effect. She really didn't have an explanation to cover her soon-to-be suicide. So she stayed silent, watching herself fade away. The others were watching, unable to produce any words. No one knew what was happening aside from Luna, who was busy preparing herself to act shocked. And of course, to find the pill bottle.

Usagi began to feel the pain pulse throughout her entire body as cell by cell stopped functioning. She tried to muscle through it, to show no sign of fear or pain. Now that the pill was taking effect, it was too late to stick her finger down her throat and throw up. It had already spread into her bloodstream. Her cardiac system would be the first to go. Her heart would stop, and soon after, the rest of her body. Suddenly fear grasped her and refused to let her go. This might not have been such a smart idea after all. What if she really did end up dying? For real, that is. Luna was right, this wasn't a very good solution.

The pain intensified to the point where Usagi was starting to show it.

Finally, Makoto turned to Amy for an answer. But she couldn't give an answer. All she could do was plaster a worried look on her face and shake her head.

The quakes were getting worse. And the pain was, at last, beginning to die down as her nervous system began to die. Soon Usagi could feel nothing, not even her own heart stopping. there was no longer a heartbeat, no longer a pulse, and no longer real life. Now unconscious and "dead", she collapsed, bumping her head on the table as she fell off the edge of the booth. This was it, so it seemed. No more pain...no more...suffering...

The girls and Mamoru hastened to stand up. Luna rushed up to the fallen blonde and gasped. Tears, real tears and not the fake ones Usagi had told her to produce, were forming at the edges of her red kitty eyes. To everyone, Luna included, it seemed to unreal. Even now, they were in such shock that a healthy young girl such as Usagi had suddenly collapsed, completely unresponsive to Amy's best treatments. Unresponsive to the CPR she tried to give. Usagi was now officially dead. And nothing, it seemed, could revive her.


	3. Chapter 3

~Chapter 3~

Everyone immediately swarmed Usagi's lifeless body. Luna stood back, a respectful distance. She was supposed to find the Meliphine bottle but...seeing Usagi like this... It was overwhelming and even though they had planned this whole thing out, she couldn't help but realizing how serious this situation was. The Meliphine was meant to complete paralyze the body to trick people, apparently even the Senshi and Mamoru, into thinking the person was dead. Usagi was already paling, her body starting to drop its temperature. Thankfully her eyes were closed. They weren't open like in horror movies.

Amy was frantically trying to revive the blonde but it wasn't working and Luna had been prepared for that. Unfortunately...Usagi may never wake up. She could already be dead. And the Senshi...what would they do without their leader? According to Usagi, they were more than capable of handling themselves alone. They had no need for Sailor Moon and never had needed her. She was their leader yet they claimed she was clumsy, ditzy, stupid, inconsiderate, and uncaring. The blonde could be very clumsy at times and when she saw a cute boy, she could be a little ditzy. But she was actually smart; she just never had much time to study. So she got bad scores and was further ridiculed. Inconsiderate and uncaring? Completely untrue. She had plenty of stress on her hands without the added pressure of the Senshi.

They hurt Usagi more than she ever let on. And having recently learned that she had _wanted_ to end her life multiple times already... It was proof enough. She likely wouldn't care if she died from the Meliphine. It was a powerful drug and the chance of something going wrong was great; she knew this yet took it anyway, with little hesitation. Even more proof. She had thought this through, proving how smart she was compared to how dumb everyone made her out to be.

Luna noticed that Mamoru was just as shocked as the girls. Why? All he ever did was put Usagi down. Well now she had put herself down, so shouldn't he be satisfied? Or was it that he knew he could cause no more harm, no more hurt feelings?

The feline rapidly shook her head, remembering well what the blonde had told her to do before she died.

She quickly got to it, darting in between Minako's legs to "search" for anything unusual. Trying to make it look convincing, she checked Usagi's head first, and then pretending to "find" an incredibly slight bulge in her skirt, she made her way over to that. The girl noticed Luna and gave her a little more room, though they still were desperately hovering over their leader. Suddenly Usagi was the most important person in the world. Suddenly the air around her was filled with medical terms from Amy, dashed hopes from Minako, desperate pleas from Makoto, and genuine apologies from Rei. Mamoru, she noticed, was wordless. Even Motoki had rushed over to see if Usagi was okay.

Amy was hounded with frantic questions and pleas to revive their friend, but she could only shake her head, breaking the hearts of everyone in the room...except Mamoru's. At least, that's what it seemed like. His eyes never held much emotion, if any at all, and at the moment his face spelled "shocked". His mind was unreadable at the moment.

Realizing that she had been wasting time analyzing everyone, Luna ignored any other thoughts in order to finish her job. She pretended to act very serious, as though she had no idea what was going on. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously as she "noticed" that bulge. More slowly than she wanted, she made her way there and first check the external pocket. Nothing, as was expected in accordance to the plan. The black cat slipped the first half of her body under the blonde's skirt and gasped audibly. Everyone focused intently on Luna and she made noises to indicate that she'd found something. She rattled her sharp teeth against the plastic bottle, making sure to draw their full attention, halfway knowing she already had.

She slid out, bottle in her mouth. The cap was closed, the label had been pulled off to the extent where only scratches of thin paper were stuck here and there, and there were no pills in it. However, it didn't need a label to tell everyone what was once in it.

"Usagi..." Rei breathed.

Rei seemed to be the only one capable of speaking at the moment. Everyone else, surprisingly even Mamoru, had grown far too shocked and unbelieving for words. There only stared at the bottle, their eyes not traveling elsewhere, not even to Usagi. Luna pretended to look as shocked as everyone else, the pill bottle having been dropped from her mouth. It suddenly made sense why their leader had begun shaking before finally wincing in pain, and then lastly...collapsing cold on the ground only to be all but pronounced dead by Amy. Drug overdose. Intentional drug overdose. Usagi had committed suicide, the one thing they would never have expected.

And honestly, who would've suspected it? Innocent little Usagi thinking about killing herself? Unreal! And yet...it was true. It actually happened, right before their eyes. Right in front of them.

Luna let her eyes roam over everyone else. What Usagi would give to find this. She would love knowing that they really did care about her so much. Even if they did a poor job of showing it, they cared about her to unbelievable extents. Luna actually found herself wanting to tell at least one of them what was truly going on, but knew she couldn't. The Meliphine, to be hiding in the blonde's system for at least a week, had a hefty chance of breaking its suspended animation and actually killing her. If she didn't wake up in the few days surrounding the end of one week, the likelihood of her ever waking up again was slim to none.

**A/N**

**Hey, guys...um...so, sorry, first of all... It wasn't supposed to take anywhere NEAR this long. If any of you are still reading this or even remember this story, I would expect you to be angry at me and probably flame me. I would greatly appreciate it if you don't but I'll understand if you do. I'll try to make the next update much quicker but to post a fair warning, I'm losing interest in this story. I'll try to finish it nevertheless.**

**I hope you can find it your heart to forgive me...**


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